As I mentioned in my series of dying thoughts post, I have decided to put a few of my dysfunctional entries online, as separate posts. They'll all be about my thoughts on dying so, you know, a little depressing. I am aiming to get them all up within the week.
So that was February. In March there was a garbled entry, trembling
hand writing, where I’m ‘running out of time’. April, I was ‘worried about my
body’. I seemed to be less morbid in May, but wrote nothing of any substance.
These entries aren't worth publishing. They were mainly just free writing;
writing to keep the words away from innocent bystanders. June, well we
discussed June in a previous post. So now we jump forward to July, where events become a little more concrete. Although I must warn you, I was on quite a bit
of morphine at the time.
9th July 2016
Today was the first
full day of knowing that I will die. Soon. I will die soon. Everybody, I hope,
is aware that someday they will die. But really, they are aware that humans
die; rarely do they think of their own mortality. And rightfully so. It would
be all to consuming to worry about such things. Today was my first official day
of dying. Death has infiltrated my mind over the past year, but even I hoped
(without ever really expecting) that dying wouldn’t start for a while yet.
Like, it wouldn’t start until next year. But it’s not next year. It is now.
I'm dying now.
Liv do you have an email so I can send you a message? Jess x
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